Final days
16 years ago
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
We're backin the US!
Just wanted to post quickly that we're back in the US-- made it through 16 hours of traveling (car and plane) to get back to San Francisco for debrief. We'll be here till Friday morning and then I'll be heading back to LA this weekend. Thank you, everyone, for all of your prayers and comments, emails, and messages. I look forward to seeing those of you in LA again soon and others of you hopefully in not too long!! And I'm hoping to have a lunch or evening or something where I can show pictures and tell more stories and stuff-- hopefully sometime before October. I'll try to figure that out in the next few weeks. Other than that, this might be my last blog entry, so if you want to know more, give me a call, email me, go with me to get some helado (ice cream-- I'm not a fan of coffee), or come to the thing I'm planning. Blessings!!
Thursday, July 24, 2008
like Jesus
This will be really brief. I'm not totally sure what happened to the boys in my previous post-- heard from Javier that they're fine-- really hope that's true!
Just wanted to write about yesterday quickly-- at one point Kelly, Amelia, and I were in parque central talking with two of the boys. They were sitting in the chairs that customers sit in to get their shoes shined. Amelia sat down on the box where the ''lustradores'' sit to shine their customers' shoes and asked one boy to teach her how to shine his shoes. Then Kelly did that with the other boy sitting at the nearby chair. I wrote earlier about how if Jesus was here, he'd be washing the feet of these boys or at least shining their shoes. Yesterday, I saw Jesus in my teammates as they shined the shoes of those two forgotten, lost, beloved children of God.
Just wanted to write about yesterday quickly-- at one point Kelly, Amelia, and I were in parque central talking with two of the boys. They were sitting in the chairs that customers sit in to get their shoes shined. Amelia sat down on the box where the ''lustradores'' sit to shine their customers' shoes and asked one boy to teach her how to shine his shoes. Then Kelly did that with the other boy sitting at the nearby chair. I wrote earlier about how if Jesus was here, he'd be washing the feet of these boys or at least shining their shoes. Yesterday, I saw Jesus in my teammates as they shined the shoes of those two forgotten, lost, beloved children of God.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
''Solo quiero amar a mi hermano''
That means ''I only want to love my brother.'' That's what one of the boys named Rene wrote on his picture above drawings of himself and his brother when he was asked to draw something that represented his future. Rene was the first boy (young man) we met here. He wants to go to school but keeps getting pulled back into his addiction to alcohol. Monday I saw him and he was looking at a paper with math problems on it (a page for kids out of the newspaper). He was sober, waiting for work-- men to come who needed their shoes shined-- in parque central. So for about 15 minutes, I helped him and Javier with math. He's sharp, I thought, if he could stay clean, I think he could actually learn a lot and have a lot of possibilities.
Then last night, I almost cried when I saw him-- all disheveled, definitely not sober . . . then he started drawing that picture and wrote that line-- in his future all he wants to do is love his brother-- wow. He said his brother is in the states-- hasn't seen him in 3 years . . .
Then today, we found out that for some reason that still isn't clear to me, he might be put in prison for 3 months-- something about him drinking last night (would have been after the art time I'm guessing) and being accused of taking someone else's papers-- don't know-- he and Valerio were together-- so both of them might be taken to prison-- won't find out till tomorrow I guess-- we'll see if we see them or not, and what other kids tell us. Sigh. Damn addictions. Taking away their lives, their futures, their hope. Rene looked so scared when we saw him today-- when he told us about possibly going to prison-- seemed as if he was a little kid-- think he's really around 20. Sigh. I know there is hope. I know God has hope, so I won't despair, but I am sad. Very sad. A young man, who is really a boy inside, who was rejected by his own father (wrote about that in a previous post), who just wants to go to school and love his brother, but who is trapped by his addiction. Sigh. Praying for God's power in his life. Even if I don't get to see his redemption, I hope and pray it happens . . . I have hope in the Lord-- the only place I can find to hope-- in Him who works miracles, brings freedom . . . HOPE for Rene, God, please . . .
Then last night, I almost cried when I saw him-- all disheveled, definitely not sober . . . then he started drawing that picture and wrote that line-- in his future all he wants to do is love his brother-- wow. He said his brother is in the states-- hasn't seen him in 3 years . . .
Then today, we found out that for some reason that still isn't clear to me, he might be put in prison for 3 months-- something about him drinking last night (would have been after the art time I'm guessing) and being accused of taking someone else's papers-- don't know-- he and Valerio were together-- so both of them might be taken to prison-- won't find out till tomorrow I guess-- we'll see if we see them or not, and what other kids tell us. Sigh. Damn addictions. Taking away their lives, their futures, their hope. Rene looked so scared when we saw him today-- when he told us about possibly going to prison-- seemed as if he was a little kid-- think he's really around 20. Sigh. I know there is hope. I know God has hope, so I won't despair, but I am sad. Very sad. A young man, who is really a boy inside, who was rejected by his own father (wrote about that in a previous post), who just wants to go to school and love his brother, but who is trapped by his addiction. Sigh. Praying for God's power in his life. Even if I don't get to see his redemption, I hope and pray it happens . . . I have hope in the Lord-- the only place I can find to hope-- in Him who works miracles, brings freedom . . . HOPE for Rene, God, please . . .
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Life and Ministry
So last night I was reading Sub-merge and I came across a story that really struck me. There are stories from different InnerChange staff interspersed in the book, and this one really resonated with me. I feel like it speaks very clearly about something I've struggled with for a while, something that anyone who desires to do ministry or to really help others in any way can struggle with, I think. I'm just gonna type a chunk of it here-- hope that's okay . . . really want to share it . . . from pages 216-220 of the book . . . In Innerchange, every 7th year is a sabbatical year for missionaries-- I'm assuming this took place during his sabbatical year . . .
(Going on a run with his dog, asking why he never did that in the previous 6 years of ministry . . . realizing he didn't because he was so busy with ministry
--> imaginary conversation with his dog)
''Isn't that what incarnational ministry is all about? Your ministry is your life?''
''That's how you've been doing it for six years! In fact, the opposite is true: Your ministry is not your life; your life should be your ministry.''
. . .
''When ministry is your life, you will give when you have nothing to give, work when you should be resting, neglect that which should be your greatest priority, and ultimately loathe the very people you are called to love. In short, when ministry is your life, you have no life to offer to others and nothing but ministry to invite others into.''
. . .
''On the other hand, when your life is your ministry, all of life becomes a sacrament before God: your work and your rest, your eating and sleeping, your generosity and your neediness, your care for your body and the environment, your trivial pastimes and your greatest accomplishments . . .
'' . . . Without a fully lived life, what you present to God and to others is one-dimensional and incomplete. The lost are compelled to follow Christ when they see how you do life-- how you treat your children, where you buy your groceries, how you care for your neighbors-- not how much you do ministry.''
''So all those times when I skipped lunch and pulled all-nighters for the sake of ministry--''
''The people you were discipling saw a man living a life of destruction.''
''Then what did people learn from me?''
''How to live an unbalanced, chaotic life of ministry that ruins the soul rather than nourishes it.''
''And if I had dropped what seemed so important to go for a run or to cook lunch?''
''Your followers would have seen a man unapologetically living the kind of abundant life Jesus calls us to.''
In life in general, I think it is so easy to wear ourselves out for the sake of work, other people, ministry, you name it . . . but it's so important to remember that I am weak, that I am human-- I need rest and that is a good thing. If I am living a life of burnout and yet hope that people will want to join me, will want to believe in the same God I believe in and want to serve and follow Him, what am I really saying to them? That Jesus wants them to live lives of burnout too? That Jesus doesn't really have lives of abundance for them, only lives that should be full of ministry, of always giving to others? As I have thought about the next chapter of my life, God has really challenged me on this subject . . . is it okay for me to want blessings for myself? to not just live my life as a single woman who pours herself out for others all the time? And God has over and over again told me yes. He is not a harsh taskmaster. He is a good Father. He wants to fill me with his love and then let me love others out of the overflow of that love.
In college, someone gave me the picture that I am not a pipe through which blessings flow to other people, but a cup which should overflow with love for others. At the time, it was hard for me to really understand that, why it wouldn't be good to just pour myself out for others, but I have grown to see more of what that picture means both for myself and for those around me. For myself, that means that I need to be filled and also that God has love for me specifically, apart from my service to others. Also, as the story above describes, the way I live my life affects how others see God's love. If I am acting like a pipe, never allowing myself to receive blessings, to rest, to really enjoy life, then others who I am trying to love may see God's love in that way-- that He doesn't really want children whom He can bless, but only workers for His mission. And that is so not true. Yes, God wants us to obey Him, but He calls us as His children and friends, not as servants. He cares about our well-being just as much as He cares about the well-being of the people we are serving, whether that is street children or people in convalescent homes or children in our classroom or our friends and family. And the converse is true-- He cares about others just as much as He cares about us.
I want to know God and His love for me, how much He has forgiven me and changed me, so that I may love others with that same love-- not with a selfish love, not a love for my own purpose, or because I need others to like me or I need to feel good about myself for doing good things, but because I have come to know the source of love and have been changed and cannot help but overflow with love for each person I meet, cannot help but want them to know the same transforming, pure love that I have gotten a taste of. As Psalm 34:8 calls people to do, I want to be able to call people to ''taste and see that the LORD is good.'' I want them to see that ''blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.'' Not that the LORD is demanding and that tired is the man who tries to follow him. Jesus, would you teach me how to live such a life-- a life that is grounded in your goodness and points others to your mercy and love.
(Going on a run with his dog, asking why he never did that in the previous 6 years of ministry . . . realizing he didn't because he was so busy with ministry
--> imaginary conversation with his dog)
''Isn't that what incarnational ministry is all about? Your ministry is your life?''
''That's how you've been doing it for six years! In fact, the opposite is true: Your ministry is not your life; your life should be your ministry.''
. . .
''When ministry is your life, you will give when you have nothing to give, work when you should be resting, neglect that which should be your greatest priority, and ultimately loathe the very people you are called to love. In short, when ministry is your life, you have no life to offer to others and nothing but ministry to invite others into.''
. . .
''On the other hand, when your life is your ministry, all of life becomes a sacrament before God: your work and your rest, your eating and sleeping, your generosity and your neediness, your care for your body and the environment, your trivial pastimes and your greatest accomplishments . . .
'' . . . Without a fully lived life, what you present to God and to others is one-dimensional and incomplete. The lost are compelled to follow Christ when they see how you do life-- how you treat your children, where you buy your groceries, how you care for your neighbors-- not how much you do ministry.''
''So all those times when I skipped lunch and pulled all-nighters for the sake of ministry--''
''The people you were discipling saw a man living a life of destruction.''
''Then what did people learn from me?''
''How to live an unbalanced, chaotic life of ministry that ruins the soul rather than nourishes it.''
''And if I had dropped what seemed so important to go for a run or to cook lunch?''
''Your followers would have seen a man unapologetically living the kind of abundant life Jesus calls us to.''
In life in general, I think it is so easy to wear ourselves out for the sake of work, other people, ministry, you name it . . . but it's so important to remember that I am weak, that I am human-- I need rest and that is a good thing. If I am living a life of burnout and yet hope that people will want to join me, will want to believe in the same God I believe in and want to serve and follow Him, what am I really saying to them? That Jesus wants them to live lives of burnout too? That Jesus doesn't really have lives of abundance for them, only lives that should be full of ministry, of always giving to others? As I have thought about the next chapter of my life, God has really challenged me on this subject . . . is it okay for me to want blessings for myself? to not just live my life as a single woman who pours herself out for others all the time? And God has over and over again told me yes. He is not a harsh taskmaster. He is a good Father. He wants to fill me with his love and then let me love others out of the overflow of that love.
In college, someone gave me the picture that I am not a pipe through which blessings flow to other people, but a cup which should overflow with love for others. At the time, it was hard for me to really understand that, why it wouldn't be good to just pour myself out for others, but I have grown to see more of what that picture means both for myself and for those around me. For myself, that means that I need to be filled and also that God has love for me specifically, apart from my service to others. Also, as the story above describes, the way I live my life affects how others see God's love. If I am acting like a pipe, never allowing myself to receive blessings, to rest, to really enjoy life, then others who I am trying to love may see God's love in that way-- that He doesn't really want children whom He can bless, but only workers for His mission. And that is so not true. Yes, God wants us to obey Him, but He calls us as His children and friends, not as servants. He cares about our well-being just as much as He cares about the well-being of the people we are serving, whether that is street children or people in convalescent homes or children in our classroom or our friends and family. And the converse is true-- He cares about others just as much as He cares about us.
I want to know God and His love for me, how much He has forgiven me and changed me, so that I may love others with that same love-- not with a selfish love, not a love for my own purpose, or because I need others to like me or I need to feel good about myself for doing good things, but because I have come to know the source of love and have been changed and cannot help but overflow with love for each person I meet, cannot help but want them to know the same transforming, pure love that I have gotten a taste of. As Psalm 34:8 calls people to do, I want to be able to call people to ''taste and see that the LORD is good.'' I want them to see that ''blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.'' Not that the LORD is demanding and that tired is the man who tries to follow him. Jesus, would you teach me how to live such a life-- a life that is grounded in your goodness and points others to your mercy and love.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
not so simple questions
Puedes comprarme un helado? (Can you buy me an ice cream?)
That's what Javier asked Kelly and me today as we were sitting talking with him (in the hot sun).
A simple request, yes? But one that brings up a lot of issues in order to answer.
It only costs 2 quetzales, which is about 25 cents, begging the question, well, why not?
Why did we say no? Many reasons.
·There are 2 other boys we've been working with who are also nearby. If they see us buy Javier ice cream, they'll ask for some too. Then everytime we see them, they'll expect for us to buy them ice cream or something else.
·We are here to support German and Carla as they work here. It would not be good to set precedents which they cannot continue, which would leave the kids disappointed. They cannot buy the kids ice cream all the time so that is something we shouldn't do.
·The biggest reason for saying no for me seems somewhat harsh but necessary I think. All the boys do make money. But many of them spend what they do earn on glue and/or alcohol. Javier is one who smells like glue often. So we know that he is spending his money on that. I don't understand the reasons he does, don't understand the difficulty of addiction for him, but I do believe that simply buying treats for him is not the answer. I pray he will feel loved but also will realize that he needs to take responsibility for his life. He's 22! I pray that God will somehow bring him to a point where he desires to be healthy and take responsibility for his life more than he wants the high he's used to getting. I know it is very hard but I also know that it is possible. I know God can break addictions. And German and Carla have several school scholarships they are just waiting to give kids-- they have to be able to trust that the kids will actually go to school and stay clean. So if he could get free from his addictions, he would have hope for a different life. But he has to want it, yeah? And I don't think getting free ice cream would increase his desire for freedom from his addiction at all.
Porque vas a dejarnos? (Why are you going to leave us?)
That's what Valerio asked me as I was talking to him (just before the helado request). How do you answer that? What I said was that (in Spanish of course) ''we came to meet all of you and will not forget you.'' But, dang, that's hard. We came here a month ago and started meeting these kids who no one else in society cares about and now, just as we're getting to know them and they're getting more comfortable with us, we're going to leave. That was a question I had about this trip even before I came. It was something I wrestled with-- God, won't it just be worse for us to come, start to love them, and then leave them? Wouldn't it be better for them for us not to go at all? Will they remember us leaving them more than us being there? And you know, I don't have all the answers to that. I pray that we are planting seeds of love that will later be watered by others. I pray that the kids remember our love and not just how we left them. But in the midst of my prayers, I know that I don't know what will happen. All I know is that I know I was supposed to be here. And it is up to God to continue the work here, just as he was doing before we came. Even though we have to leave them, God will not leave them. Hmm, I shared Romans 8:38-39 this morning in our team devotional . . . and just thinking about how it might be good to share with them . . . yes, we have to leave, yes distance separates us. But nothing separates us from God. I don't know how they would take that. I don't know if they could understand that or if that would just make them mad. I don't know what their experience with God has been up until now. But I do know that that is true. God is not leaving Xela when the 5 of us do-- because He loves this city. He has called German and Carla here to show His love to the people here and he is calling others as well. It is true that the harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. I pray that God will send more and more workers to this city even as the 5 of us leave in a week and a half.
Juan and Francisco
Something we can buy for the kids is atol (like a thick corn soup). After the conversations with Javier and Valerio, Kelly and I walked by Juan and Francisco. I've mentioned Juan before, I think-- he looks down at the ground more than he looks at us. Francisco is a newer boy to Xela. He comes from the same town that Juan comes from. When we saw the two boys, we decided to ask them if they wanted to get atol, and they said yes. So we went and sat down at a nearby stand and had atol together. They taught us some of their native language of Quiche and we asked them about their families, school, the soccer team . . . found out that Juan goes to school on the weekends back in his home town. So he's a 13 year old kid, living in the city on his own during the week to make money for his family and then going home on weekends to go to school. He said his favorite subject is math and that he wants to get a job using math one day. So far I haven't seem him use glue or anything. I pray that he isn't and doesn't start! As we talked, he actually started looking at us more than he had. But he still looked down a lot. I looked down too, and saw his shoes that had holes in them-- completely falling apart, and his pants that were tearing near the ankles as well. The hat he wears doesn't stay closed anymore (it's one of those adjustable hats with velcro-- think the velcro just doesn't work anymore. Francisco has been very quiet and closed off to us, so we're trying to interact with him as much as he'll let us. He sat for about 5 minutes, talked a little with us, said thank you and then went back to work (at a cart selling CD's-- think he may do that in addition to shining shoes-- maybe different days). He is 12. My little sister is 12. Wow. Crazy to think about that.
Miguel
Sigh. Miguel is one of the first boys, er, young men, we met. I think he's 23 or somewhere around there. He actually has a job in a shop somewhere. And he doesn't sniff glue. And he seems very smart and respectful. German wants to give him one of the scholarships to go to school. But, the problem is that he drinks a lot. The first few weeks we were here, everytime we met him, he at least seemed sober. We heard that he would drink at night but never saw him do it. But then over the past week or so we haven't seen him as much, and then 2 days ago, Amelia and Melanie saw him in the afternoon and he was very drunk. It was very sad for them to see him like that. And sadder still that he's so pulled into alcohol. He has an opportunity to go to school, to do what he wants to do (he has said he wants to go to school!), but his addiction has a stronger hold on him than his desire for that opportunity. Sigh.
Oh Jesus, would you bring your power and set these young men free from these addictions, from these things that are wasting away their lives. They need your help.
Prayer requests
-Please pray for the older boys-- Javier, Valerio, and Miguel. For freedom from addiction, for desire to change, to see what opportunities they could have, for more knowledge of God's love and power in their lives.
-for the younger boys-- that they would not get into those drugs that at first may help them feel better but will take over their lives if they get addicted.
-for people on my team-- for continued hope and joy as we see situations that may not seem very hopeful & as we think about leaving, about coming home- it is hard thinking about leaving these boys here & it is going to be hard to go back home after having lived here for 6 weeks (reverse culture shock!). Please pray for God's help as we adjust to being back home.
-for German and Carla-- as they continue God's work here-- for encouragement, wisdom, open doors, patience, provision, protection, and joy
-for Melanie and Julio-- as they plan to come back here sometime within the next year-- for provision and guidance for them
Thursday, July 10, 2008
It's been a while . . .
It's been a while since I've written about what we've been doing. Partly that's because God's been doing so much in me-- showing me a lot about myself, etc . . .
Some rambling about what God's been showing me
Last Tuesday (so a week and a half ago) I shared my timeline-- something all of us have done or will do at some point while we're here. Our timelines include important events whether good or bad-- things that have shaped us and brought us to where we are today, made us who we are today. It was a lot more difficult than I thought it would be. I knew that the past few years had been hard, but I didn't plan on it being so hard to write about them-- especially about what happened at Audubon my second, and last, year there. Between writing it out, sharing it, and processing it afterward, including at the retreat we just got back from yesterday, I feel a lot better about it all now. I feel a lot more closure. No, I still don't know all the reasons why the admin decided to treat me the way they did, but that's okay. Something I wrote in my journal-- you can agree or disagree-- ''Evil and pain aren't meant to be understood, they are meant to be overcome and healed.'' Anyway, somehow I feel free to not be weighed down by that anymore. I got to cry and release my students to God-- they are not my burden to carry-- whether they are provided for, graduate from high school, stay out of drugs, gangs, etc . . . that is not my burden. I was in their lives for a year and am not any more. But God is still watching over them. In general, it is good to care and to be moved to action for others, but we were not meant to take their burdens as our own, upon our shoulders-- only God can handle the weight of the world. I cannot. I cannot fix LAUSD or the problems of poverty or other issues in LA. All I can do is be faithful where God has placed me to love those around me and bring their burdens to God. Jesus said to cast our cares on Him. It is not noble to be weighed down by the weight of the world-- at least for me, I realized it was more prideful than anything. It is difficult and humbling to release my burdens for others to Him-- to acknowledge that no matter how much I care, I am powerless to change their situations. It is almost easier to stay focused on those large burdens than to simply love the people right in front of me-- I mean really love them . . .
Living out of Love
Just thought of the quote from Princess Bride-- ¨love, true love . . .¨If you're a fan you'll know what I'm talking about, if not, just forget about it ;) Seriously, though, I feel like God's been challenging my view of what love really is-- what it looks like to love others.
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. ---1 Corinthians 13:1-7
It really hit me to read the part I put in bold-- how often have I done things for the poor or desired to do more . . . but have I had love? In this passage, Paul is clear that we can do those things and still not have love! How incredible is that! Just because I'm working for the poor does not mean that I am full of love-- I could be full of pride or be acting out of guilt from not being poor myself . . . I know I still have a lot to learn about what it means to truly love, but I thank God that He is challenging me in this. The world needs more of Jesus' love, not just more activists and people working for causes-- not that those are bad, but the more I see of the world, the more I am convinced that in order for change to happen, people need to change-- and people change through love. We don't just need better laws or school boards or policies, as good as all those things can be, we need more people living and acting as Christ did. That is what will transform communities, societies . . . yes, that takes a long long time. That is what Innerchange focuses on-- building relationships with people, loving people, hoping for change in people-- it is the long road . . . But it is also the one that will be sustained the most, I believe.
More and more, rather than just desiring to work for justice and to serve, I want to be a woman of God's love. And maybe that love will drive me to work for justice, or to serve, or maybe it will drive me to simply listen to my neighbors or wait patiently for God to guide me . . . I have realized more and more that I need to be driven out of love, not out of my own desire for justice or to make a difference in the world or out of any burden or guilt. A pastor once told me to differentiate between compassion and cause . . . and it made me pause and question-- do I have true compassion for people or am I more just committed to the cause of seeing justice, of seeing things be made ''right''? Being committed to a cause can be dangerous because then we can start using people as a means to an end-- especially if they don't fit in with our idea of our cause. If our cause is for the homeless, then anyone who is not homeless can be used as a means to our end to help the homeless . . . it can even get to the point where the only reason we care about them is to try to convince them to join our cause and if they don't we just complain about how they ¨just don't get it¨. I know I've been guilty of that in some ways. Oh God, help me love people as you do-- somehow, Jesus loved all people in the way they needed to be loved-- He did not just use people for his own end. He told the rich young ruler to sell all he had because he loved him (Mark 10:21), not because he needed money for his own cause. It is hard to be convicted about something, whatever it is, and feel like other people don't understand or aren't on board . . . but our job is not to try to convince people-- whether it's to follow Jesus or vote for a certain candidate or be excited about serving the poor-- it is to love them. The greatest commands are to love God 1st and to love others 2nd (Matthew 22:37-40). In all I do, I want to love others-- whether they agree with me, whether they are in line with my convictions or not. I need God's help for that!! Amen?
The boys
Javier is one of the shoeshine boys we're getting to know here. He's 22-- seems like he's much younger. He smells like glue a lot-- definitely is hooked on it. From just reading about him, he would seem to be hopeless, but he is one whom we have all come to love. He now greets us with a kiss on the cheek. We have seen small changes in him. And pray and hope for more!
Valerio is another boy we've gotten to know. He has changed so much since we first saw him. Amelia just pointed that out today as we were eating lunch with him. When we first saw him, he was very distant . . . and he told Amelia he did not want to play soccer. Now, he smiles a ton, he wants to come to soccer tonight-- he told Amelia that now he has ¨ganas¨to play-- that we have given him ganas-- ''ganas'' means the desire or more so the will to do something, I think. We just started a photo project and he was one of the first 3 we introduced it to. We're going to give them disposable cameras and let them take pictures of their lives to then tell their stories. Not only will it help us get to know them, but moreover, it will give them a chance to talk about their lives in a way that they can feel proud about who they are rather than feeling the shame that is poured on them so much. Valerio jumped up and down last night when we told him about the project and he was so excited to start taking pictures today. I pray that God will continue to move him forward, toward Himself, toward healing, toward wholeness and sobriety, toward joy.
Jose is unique among the boys who live at the house I keep referring to. He studies during the day and goes to school in the afternoon/evening. He gets very good grades, as far as I can tell is not into any drugs of any sort, and likes reading the Bible. One day Kelly and I went to help him with his homework and came in to find him reading Proverbs because he had already finished his homework. He works a little to pay for school, I think, but believe that there's some plan for a scholarship for him-- was trying to understand the conversation happening in Spanish today when we were at the house-- think that's what they were talking about. Last week, Jose came to soccer with us, but since his school ends at 5:45, we picked him up from school on our way to the place we play soccer. And he was so happy-- he never has anyone to pick him up from school, but last week, Julio went in to look for him-- yes, Jose, you are wanted, you are valuable, we are here for you-- just for you. And then, we got to see his amazing soccer skills-- that boy is really good!
Juan-- another boy we've gotten to know-- when Kelly and I ran into him last week and were talking to him, he just kept looking down. German said that is common because they feel so much shame about who they are, what they are doing. And I made a connection as I watched him shine a man's shoes-- the man didn't look at him at all, it's such a subservient position to be in-- and then I thought of Jesus-- he put himself in the same position those boys are in when he washed his disciples' feet. If he was here now, I believe he would wash the feet (or shine the shoes) of the boys here . . . imagining that . . . yes, you are worthy of having someone else serve you.
Haven't seen Domingo in a while-- wondering about him-- I think he is Juan's brother-- wonder how he is doing.
Prayer Requests
--for the boys we're working with-- freedom from addiction, a greater desire to be healthy, more of a knowledge of God's love for them, to receive God's love through us
--for continued health and safety for our team
--to be able to connect well with each other and the boys as we finish out the next 2 and a half weeks, especially as we do the photo project
--to be able to listen and follow God's leading each day
--for me especially- to be able to be fully present here even as I am really looking forward to coming back home
The End
Ha, wow, that was long-- there's so much more I could write, but already I'm amazed if you made it to this point! Thank you for caring about me and God's work here! Thank you for reading my rambling! Please feel free to comment or email me back. Thank you those of you who have!
Some rambling about what God's been showing me
Last Tuesday (so a week and a half ago) I shared my timeline-- something all of us have done or will do at some point while we're here. Our timelines include important events whether good or bad-- things that have shaped us and brought us to where we are today, made us who we are today. It was a lot more difficult than I thought it would be. I knew that the past few years had been hard, but I didn't plan on it being so hard to write about them-- especially about what happened at Audubon my second, and last, year there. Between writing it out, sharing it, and processing it afterward, including at the retreat we just got back from yesterday, I feel a lot better about it all now. I feel a lot more closure. No, I still don't know all the reasons why the admin decided to treat me the way they did, but that's okay. Something I wrote in my journal-- you can agree or disagree-- ''Evil and pain aren't meant to be understood, they are meant to be overcome and healed.'' Anyway, somehow I feel free to not be weighed down by that anymore. I got to cry and release my students to God-- they are not my burden to carry-- whether they are provided for, graduate from high school, stay out of drugs, gangs, etc . . . that is not my burden. I was in their lives for a year and am not any more. But God is still watching over them. In general, it is good to care and to be moved to action for others, but we were not meant to take their burdens as our own, upon our shoulders-- only God can handle the weight of the world. I cannot. I cannot fix LAUSD or the problems of poverty or other issues in LA. All I can do is be faithful where God has placed me to love those around me and bring their burdens to God. Jesus said to cast our cares on Him. It is not noble to be weighed down by the weight of the world-- at least for me, I realized it was more prideful than anything. It is difficult and humbling to release my burdens for others to Him-- to acknowledge that no matter how much I care, I am powerless to change their situations. It is almost easier to stay focused on those large burdens than to simply love the people right in front of me-- I mean really love them . . .
Living out of Love
Just thought of the quote from Princess Bride-- ¨love, true love . . .¨If you're a fan you'll know what I'm talking about, if not, just forget about it ;) Seriously, though, I feel like God's been challenging my view of what love really is-- what it looks like to love others.
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. ---1 Corinthians 13:1-7
It really hit me to read the part I put in bold-- how often have I done things for the poor or desired to do more . . . but have I had love? In this passage, Paul is clear that we can do those things and still not have love! How incredible is that! Just because I'm working for the poor does not mean that I am full of love-- I could be full of pride or be acting out of guilt from not being poor myself . . . I know I still have a lot to learn about what it means to truly love, but I thank God that He is challenging me in this. The world needs more of Jesus' love, not just more activists and people working for causes-- not that those are bad, but the more I see of the world, the more I am convinced that in order for change to happen, people need to change-- and people change through love. We don't just need better laws or school boards or policies, as good as all those things can be, we need more people living and acting as Christ did. That is what will transform communities, societies . . . yes, that takes a long long time. That is what Innerchange focuses on-- building relationships with people, loving people, hoping for change in people-- it is the long road . . . But it is also the one that will be sustained the most, I believe.
More and more, rather than just desiring to work for justice and to serve, I want to be a woman of God's love. And maybe that love will drive me to work for justice, or to serve, or maybe it will drive me to simply listen to my neighbors or wait patiently for God to guide me . . . I have realized more and more that I need to be driven out of love, not out of my own desire for justice or to make a difference in the world or out of any burden or guilt. A pastor once told me to differentiate between compassion and cause . . . and it made me pause and question-- do I have true compassion for people or am I more just committed to the cause of seeing justice, of seeing things be made ''right''? Being committed to a cause can be dangerous because then we can start using people as a means to an end-- especially if they don't fit in with our idea of our cause. If our cause is for the homeless, then anyone who is not homeless can be used as a means to our end to help the homeless . . . it can even get to the point where the only reason we care about them is to try to convince them to join our cause and if they don't we just complain about how they ¨just don't get it¨. I know I've been guilty of that in some ways. Oh God, help me love people as you do-- somehow, Jesus loved all people in the way they needed to be loved-- He did not just use people for his own end. He told the rich young ruler to sell all he had because he loved him (Mark 10:21), not because he needed money for his own cause. It is hard to be convicted about something, whatever it is, and feel like other people don't understand or aren't on board . . . but our job is not to try to convince people-- whether it's to follow Jesus or vote for a certain candidate or be excited about serving the poor-- it is to love them. The greatest commands are to love God 1st and to love others 2nd (Matthew 22:37-40). In all I do, I want to love others-- whether they agree with me, whether they are in line with my convictions or not. I need God's help for that!! Amen?
The boys
Javier is one of the shoeshine boys we're getting to know here. He's 22-- seems like he's much younger. He smells like glue a lot-- definitely is hooked on it. From just reading about him, he would seem to be hopeless, but he is one whom we have all come to love. He now greets us with a kiss on the cheek. We have seen small changes in him. And pray and hope for more!
Valerio is another boy we've gotten to know. He has changed so much since we first saw him. Amelia just pointed that out today as we were eating lunch with him. When we first saw him, he was very distant . . . and he told Amelia he did not want to play soccer. Now, he smiles a ton, he wants to come to soccer tonight-- he told Amelia that now he has ¨ganas¨to play-- that we have given him ganas-- ''ganas'' means the desire or more so the will to do something, I think. We just started a photo project and he was one of the first 3 we introduced it to. We're going to give them disposable cameras and let them take pictures of their lives to then tell their stories. Not only will it help us get to know them, but moreover, it will give them a chance to talk about their lives in a way that they can feel proud about who they are rather than feeling the shame that is poured on them so much. Valerio jumped up and down last night when we told him about the project and he was so excited to start taking pictures today. I pray that God will continue to move him forward, toward Himself, toward healing, toward wholeness and sobriety, toward joy.
Jose is unique among the boys who live at the house I keep referring to. He studies during the day and goes to school in the afternoon/evening. He gets very good grades, as far as I can tell is not into any drugs of any sort, and likes reading the Bible. One day Kelly and I went to help him with his homework and came in to find him reading Proverbs because he had already finished his homework. He works a little to pay for school, I think, but believe that there's some plan for a scholarship for him-- was trying to understand the conversation happening in Spanish today when we were at the house-- think that's what they were talking about. Last week, Jose came to soccer with us, but since his school ends at 5:45, we picked him up from school on our way to the place we play soccer. And he was so happy-- he never has anyone to pick him up from school, but last week, Julio went in to look for him-- yes, Jose, you are wanted, you are valuable, we are here for you-- just for you. And then, we got to see his amazing soccer skills-- that boy is really good!
Juan-- another boy we've gotten to know-- when Kelly and I ran into him last week and were talking to him, he just kept looking down. German said that is common because they feel so much shame about who they are, what they are doing. And I made a connection as I watched him shine a man's shoes-- the man didn't look at him at all, it's such a subservient position to be in-- and then I thought of Jesus-- he put himself in the same position those boys are in when he washed his disciples' feet. If he was here now, I believe he would wash the feet (or shine the shoes) of the boys here . . . imagining that . . . yes, you are worthy of having someone else serve you.
Haven't seen Domingo in a while-- wondering about him-- I think he is Juan's brother-- wonder how he is doing.
Prayer Requests
--for the boys we're working with-- freedom from addiction, a greater desire to be healthy, more of a knowledge of God's love for them, to receive God's love through us
--for continued health and safety for our team
--to be able to connect well with each other and the boys as we finish out the next 2 and a half weeks, especially as we do the photo project
--to be able to listen and follow God's leading each day
--for me especially- to be able to be fully present here even as I am really looking forward to coming back home
The End
Ha, wow, that was long-- there's so much more I could write, but already I'm amazed if you made it to this point! Thank you for caring about me and God's work here! Thank you for reading my rambling! Please feel free to comment or email me back. Thank you those of you who have!
Friday, July 4, 2008
Unexpected Quiet
Quiet . . . stillness . . . hard to come by here. This is the first internet cafe I've been in that's been quiet-- I think really the first place I've been to here that is quiet and feels still. It's very simple-- a small room with computers on either side-- somehow, the noise from the street doesn't make its way in here much. Sigh. I've definitely been feeling the presence of people and noise to a degree I don't in LA. I just want to sit here and take this feeling in. No music playing, no cars honking, no dog barking, no parrot talking, no kids running around, no people talking, no tv on. And the woman who works here seems very sweet. Ah, silence. This morning, I went up to a church that we walked to yesterday-- found that it has a nice open space in front of it where you can see the hills above and the houses below-- so I went and sat there this morning to pray. I am very thankful to have found that spot. But it still was not as quiet and still as this place is. I've had so many thoughts running through my mind-- but somehow in this place I feel like even those thoughts have taken a rest. ¨Be still and know that I am God.¨I actually feel like I can be still here and just rest in God's presence-- what an unlikely place-- a random internet cafe in the middle of the city.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
a few pictures . . .
I know it's just a few but it's all I can upload for right now.
a picture I took on our way from the airport to Xela
looking down the street from Julio's parents' house-- where he and Melanie are staying
Our trip to Fuentes Georginas (hot springs) on Monday (6/30)
Friday, June 27, 2008
Changes, The Kids, Love, Rain
Changes
So this past week has been full of changes. When I last wrote, we had planned out a whole schedule of things to do, but God has changed our plans. We realized that we were trying to fill up our schedule with things to do rather than really just listening to God and doing what He wanted us to do. We had planned to go to the house with the girls on Wednesday but something came up for the girls that day so we couldn't go. Melanie got a weird feeling about it so we just took the morning to pray and really felt like we were not supposed to be investing there. So, as uncomfortable as it is, we don't really have a schedule right now aside from team meetings (really important times to get to know each other and support each other) and soccer with the boys on Thursday nights. What we do know is that our focus is the kids on the streets-- not on kids or adults in other places. And prayer. It is our role to seek out the kids who are on the street and love them as God directs us to. And we need to be in prayer continually to know where/how/to whom God is directing us. There is a park near us-- parque central-- and another park-- democracia-- where we will go to seek out the kids.
About the kids
Sometimes they're at the park, sometimes they're not (who knows where they are?). Sometimes they're sober, sometimes they're not. A large percentage of street kids are hooked on sniffing glue-- it takes away the pain (whether emotional or physical) for a little while. Or they might drink alcohol. Or both. Melanie said that sniffing glue causes brain development(mental and emotional) to stop so some boys may seem to be 12 but are actually 18 or 20.
They need LOVE
One kid who has been on the streets for a while decided to go home. He got all cleaned up and dressed up nicely. And when he went home, his father told him he wasn't wanted there anymore. Can you imagine the pain? Being gone for so long, then trying to go home, and being rejected?!? He had been trying to clean himself up before, but after that experience, when he got back, he started getting back into sniffing glue and alcohol worse than before. But it's not really surprising. How would you deal with that pain? If you had no other support system to lean on-- other than other street kids who are all in pain, trying to make it day to day and numb themselves for part of the time so they have a break from that pain? What a contrast that is to how our Heavenly Father welcomes us, as we see in Luke 15. He welcomes home his prodigal children with open arms, with a celebration. Oh that these children would know that love. They need that love and acceptance. It is that love that breaks chains of addiction, that heals brokenness. No amount of telling them they shouldn't do this or that will change them. They need love. I once told a friend that God loves us to perfection. I don't remember if I heard it somewhere before that or if I came up with that phrase :P But I believe that is what He does. He accepts us as we are and loves away our brokenness, our frailty, our inability to love. He fills us up with His perfect, healing, cleansing, freeing love. I pray that our time here, our interaction with the kids here would allow them to get a glimpse of God's love for them, would open them up to being able to comprehend and receive the amazing love of God that is so different from what they have experienced in their young lives.
Rain
Wow, it rained yesterday so hard that the streets flooded. Kelly, Amelia, and I had to walk home from parque central and couldn't avoid walking through streets with water abover our ankles (those were the shallower parts!). We were so wet when we got back to our house for lunch. But what hit me the most was that we were able to change into warm, dry clothes and had lunch waiting for us. What about the kids who are wearing the only clothes they have? Whose wet shoes will keep their feet cold and wet for hours, maybe days? Who don't have a safe place to retreat and get food? I thanked God for my clothes, my shelter, and my food . . . but couldn't stop thinking about the kids . . . what about them? How do they deal with it?
Randomness, Me
God's working a lot in me-- someone prayed for me before I went and said that this trip would be as much or more about what God does in me as what he does through me. I'm definitely feeling that-- it's only been 2 weeks, but God's already done so much work in me. And I expect He will do more-- to make me healthier, more able to listen to Him, more confident in who He made me to be, more able to support others (peers and leaders) and receive support from others . . . it's been intense, but good. Could go on about that but don't have time right now and it's almost too much to write, seriously.
I got to lead worship this week-- twice so far!! The first time I've played guitar and led worship. I really like it! Thank you, Joel, for teaching me how to transpose songs and some cheater chords! Been soooo helpful!
We went to a church on Sunday where the pastor is really excited about what we're doing and wants us to share about our experience the last Sunday we're here!
Thank you everyone who has been praying for me. I've definitely had more energy, been sleeping better. And our team has definitely been growing in listening to God, in unity, supporting each other, etc. I've definitely felt that a large part of my role here is supporting Melanie and Julio as they lead and as they try to figure out what ministry here for them long term might look like. Please pray for Kelly's quick recovery-- thankfully she didn't get more hurt, but she had a startling experience falling in a hole and hurt her foot-- a random hole in the middle of a sidewalk-- you can read her blog if you want the whole story.
And thank you those of you who have emailed, facebooked, or gmail chatted me. It has meant a lot to me-- been really helpful to feel connected and supported. I love hearing from people from home!
Okay, already late for almuerzo! Much love and many blessings!!
So this past week has been full of changes. When I last wrote, we had planned out a whole schedule of things to do, but God has changed our plans. We realized that we were trying to fill up our schedule with things to do rather than really just listening to God and doing what He wanted us to do. We had planned to go to the house with the girls on Wednesday but something came up for the girls that day so we couldn't go. Melanie got a weird feeling about it so we just took the morning to pray and really felt like we were not supposed to be investing there. So, as uncomfortable as it is, we don't really have a schedule right now aside from team meetings (really important times to get to know each other and support each other) and soccer with the boys on Thursday nights. What we do know is that our focus is the kids on the streets-- not on kids or adults in other places. And prayer. It is our role to seek out the kids who are on the street and love them as God directs us to. And we need to be in prayer continually to know where/how/to whom God is directing us. There is a park near us-- parque central-- and another park-- democracia-- where we will go to seek out the kids.
About the kids
Sometimes they're at the park, sometimes they're not (who knows where they are?). Sometimes they're sober, sometimes they're not. A large percentage of street kids are hooked on sniffing glue-- it takes away the pain (whether emotional or physical) for a little while. Or they might drink alcohol. Or both. Melanie said that sniffing glue causes brain development(mental and emotional) to stop so some boys may seem to be 12 but are actually 18 or 20.
They need LOVE
One kid who has been on the streets for a while decided to go home. He got all cleaned up and dressed up nicely. And when he went home, his father told him he wasn't wanted there anymore. Can you imagine the pain? Being gone for so long, then trying to go home, and being rejected?!? He had been trying to clean himself up before, but after that experience, when he got back, he started getting back into sniffing glue and alcohol worse than before. But it's not really surprising. How would you deal with that pain? If you had no other support system to lean on-- other than other street kids who are all in pain, trying to make it day to day and numb themselves for part of the time so they have a break from that pain? What a contrast that is to how our Heavenly Father welcomes us, as we see in Luke 15. He welcomes home his prodigal children with open arms, with a celebration. Oh that these children would know that love. They need that love and acceptance. It is that love that breaks chains of addiction, that heals brokenness. No amount of telling them they shouldn't do this or that will change them. They need love. I once told a friend that God loves us to perfection. I don't remember if I heard it somewhere before that or if I came up with that phrase :P But I believe that is what He does. He accepts us as we are and loves away our brokenness, our frailty, our inability to love. He fills us up with His perfect, healing, cleansing, freeing love. I pray that our time here, our interaction with the kids here would allow them to get a glimpse of God's love for them, would open them up to being able to comprehend and receive the amazing love of God that is so different from what they have experienced in their young lives.
Rain
Wow, it rained yesterday so hard that the streets flooded. Kelly, Amelia, and I had to walk home from parque central and couldn't avoid walking through streets with water abover our ankles (those were the shallower parts!). We were so wet when we got back to our house for lunch. But what hit me the most was that we were able to change into warm, dry clothes and had lunch waiting for us. What about the kids who are wearing the only clothes they have? Whose wet shoes will keep their feet cold and wet for hours, maybe days? Who don't have a safe place to retreat and get food? I thanked God for my clothes, my shelter, and my food . . . but couldn't stop thinking about the kids . . . what about them? How do they deal with it?
Randomness, Me
God's working a lot in me-- someone prayed for me before I went and said that this trip would be as much or more about what God does in me as what he does through me. I'm definitely feeling that-- it's only been 2 weeks, but God's already done so much work in me. And I expect He will do more-- to make me healthier, more able to listen to Him, more confident in who He made me to be, more able to support others (peers and leaders) and receive support from others . . . it's been intense, but good. Could go on about that but don't have time right now and it's almost too much to write, seriously.
I got to lead worship this week-- twice so far!! The first time I've played guitar and led worship. I really like it! Thank you, Joel, for teaching me how to transpose songs and some cheater chords! Been soooo helpful!
We went to a church on Sunday where the pastor is really excited about what we're doing and wants us to share about our experience the last Sunday we're here!
Thank you everyone who has been praying for me. I've definitely had more energy, been sleeping better. And our team has definitely been growing in listening to God, in unity, supporting each other, etc. I've definitely felt that a large part of my role here is supporting Melanie and Julio as they lead and as they try to figure out what ministry here for them long term might look like. Please pray for Kelly's quick recovery-- thankfully she didn't get more hurt, but she had a startling experience falling in a hole and hurt her foot-- a random hole in the middle of a sidewalk-- you can read her blog if you want the whole story.
And thank you those of you who have emailed, facebooked, or gmail chatted me. It has meant a lot to me-- been really helpful to feel connected and supported. I love hearing from people from home!
Okay, already late for almuerzo! Much love and many blessings!!
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Ah, a day off
This week was very full. I am very glad to have today off to rest, relax, process, blog, pray, and do laundry (okay, just drop my laundry off at a lavanderia). It is a much needed day to rest for my whole team, I think.
Soccer with the shoeshine boys
Thursday night, we rented out a little soccer field so we could play soccer with the boys. And 6 boys showed up. It was really fun (and I am still sore) but also very difficult to remember that these boys live on the street, make their own living, don't have the love and support of a family. There was one boy we met there named Domingo. He is about a foot smaller than me and 9 years old, I think. He is adorable and an amazing soccer player too. I wanted to just pick him up and hug him and take him home with me to take care of him. Even now, I'm on the verge of tears thinking about him. He is so small, so young, and he is on his own on the street. No kid should have to endure that. Something that really struck me is that I know that people in general do not pay attention to these boys, don't care about them, but just playing soccer and eating pizza with them, I saw no difference between them and any of my students whom I loved so much. They were fun, competetive, respectful boys/young men.
Today Amelia and I ran into one of the guys who played soccer with us, and he was so respectful and friendly. That reminds me of something we read in the book Sub-merge. At the end of the second chapter, he writes something like ¨we do know about poverty, it's the poor we do not know.¨ He talks in the book about how important it is to actually get to know the poor. Yes, it is good to send money to causes, but it is meeting and actually getting to know the poor that changes us, that touches our hearts. Yes, I knew about street kids before I came (from reading the book) but now I know and care about boys who are on the streets. My heart has been touched by them and I know it will continue to be. I honestly hope that I don't see Domingo again-- that next week, we'll ask about him and the other boys will say that he went back home, that everything is going well for him now . . . but I doubt that will be the case. If he is still on the streets, I hope we see him again and that somehow God touches him through us and works to protect him from the influences of the streets, from the dangers, the drugs . . . Oh God, would you bring him to a place where he would not lose his smile and his innocence, where he could know joy and love and provision rather than hunger and insecurity. I don't know the boys' stories, but I hope that as we hang out with them, we will get to know their stories-- why they are on the street, where their families are, what life is like for them-- to get to know these beloved of God more and be broken and changed more into His image because of them.
Escuela De La Calle
On Friday morning, we visited a house where kids who are orphans, former street kids, or kids whose families simply cannot provide for them live. There are 20 kids ages 7-17, I think. Four girls that they just received came from another house where they were supposed to have been taken care of. But recently, it was found out that the kids there were being abused so all the 50 kids who were there were split up and sent to different places. So these four girls are not only without families to care for them, but they either experienced or witnessed abuse at the house where they should have been taken care of. Now they are at this house and for now, by order of a judge, they cannot go to school-- don't fully understand the whole story-- was lost in translation a little. But all that to say, they are now stuck in the house all day, every day. So one of the things Melanie, Kelly, Amelia, and I will be doing is going to that house to spend time with and hopefully plan some academic or musical things to do with the girls since they aren't in school. Also, we hope to get to take all 20 of the kids out of the house to do art projects in a room that we are being allowed to use.
Casa de Imigrantes
This is a house where kids who were trying to get to Mexico or the US and were deported are held until their parents come to get them. One of the women who works there was saying that some of the kids ran away to try to get to the US (because they have an unrealistic idea of what the US is like-- that it's like some sort of paradise), some who adults tried to bring across the border, and then some whose families sent them to work in Mexico because they were so desperate for money! There is one group of kids that arrives on Tuesday and one that arrives on Friday, and they try to have each group gone by the time the next group arrives. I hope to be able to spend some time there, but we're waiting to hear back on that. Time there would only be to talk with the kids as they arrive to be a reassuring presence to them as they have to readjust to being in their own country again after some very difficult, some nearly traumatizing experiences they have had.
Our Battle . . .
Recently, God has impressed on me Ephesians 6:12 . . .
We have seen so much this week and in some ways want to jump into everything, but I have been reminded that it is not just about working for these things to change, but that it is about praying for God to change things. Especially as we're only here for 6 weeks, I feel very strongly that one of the things we can do that is very important and will leave lasting change is to pray for the city-- do prayer walks, specifically. I know that may sound silly to some, that taking time to pray could be important enough to replace some time we could be spending with people here. But we know that there are forces which we cannot see that are at work, keeping people blind to needs around them, keeping them in bondage to addictions, keeping them unable to love their family, blinding them to God's love for them. Ultimately for change to take place, God needs to move in the hearts of the people here in this city. No amount of short-term volunteers will cause real change in the city.
One desire of Innerchange is to raise up indigenous leaders to lead in love, compassion, service, devotion to God . . . who know their city and who are known in their city. Jesus says to pray for workers, he says that if we ask, we will receive. So we will be asking on behalf of the city for God to raise up people to care for the poor, to speak up for those who don't have a voice, to be witnesses of God's love and power. And I believe that He will answer. I believe that things happen when we pray because we have a God who is listening and who cares for us, who wants His love and kingdom to reign on earth.
Future Weeks
So after this past week of orientation, we are setting a schedule that we will keep for the rest of our time here. Some things we are doing as a whole team and some 2, 3, or 4 of us are doing. For me, the schedule will hopefully include a large chunk of time on Mondays (starting a week from Monday) with the girls at the Escuela de la Calla house, one or two mornings a week with a woman from the womens' prison (talking and reading with her), one night a week at Casa de Imigrantes, one time each week prayer walking, one evening a week at the house where street kids can sleep (praying for the couple who have opened up their home and spending time with the boys), and one night a week playing soccer with the boys as well as time with our team to pray for each other, get to know each other, help each other think about the future, and help each other process what we're seeing and doing here.
Prayers, update on how I'm doing
Thank you for your prayers! Please continue to pray for health for all of my team especially as some of my teammates have had some stomach issues. Also, please pray for good rest for me. I have been tired, partly from being woken up by things early in the morning. I want to have energy to engage with the people I am with and with what God is doing in me and around me. And I need extra energy to be able to engage in Spanish! When I'm tired, I understand and can speak much less Spanish which makes it very difficult to communicate with people here. Thankfully, I have stayed healthy though and have been mostly headache free. Oh, did I every write that I think I figured out that I was getting headaches because of the altitude? because it's 7,000 feet above sea level here-- definitely not used to that. And also possibly because of the sun-- since we're closer to the equator the sun is definitely stronger. So hopefully I'm getting more used to the altitude and sun now (and I started wearing a hat when we walk around which I think has helped too). I am very thankful to have the opportunity to be here but I definitely still miss home very much at times. I look forward to returning after allowing God to do everything he wants to in and through me here in Guatemala.
Much love and many blessings!
Soccer with the shoeshine boys
Thursday night, we rented out a little soccer field so we could play soccer with the boys. And 6 boys showed up. It was really fun (and I am still sore) but also very difficult to remember that these boys live on the street, make their own living, don't have the love and support of a family. There was one boy we met there named Domingo. He is about a foot smaller than me and 9 years old, I think. He is adorable and an amazing soccer player too. I wanted to just pick him up and hug him and take him home with me to take care of him. Even now, I'm on the verge of tears thinking about him. He is so small, so young, and he is on his own on the street. No kid should have to endure that. Something that really struck me is that I know that people in general do not pay attention to these boys, don't care about them, but just playing soccer and eating pizza with them, I saw no difference between them and any of my students whom I loved so much. They were fun, competetive, respectful boys/young men.
Today Amelia and I ran into one of the guys who played soccer with us, and he was so respectful and friendly. That reminds me of something we read in the book Sub-merge. At the end of the second chapter, he writes something like ¨we do know about poverty, it's the poor we do not know.¨ He talks in the book about how important it is to actually get to know the poor. Yes, it is good to send money to causes, but it is meeting and actually getting to know the poor that changes us, that touches our hearts. Yes, I knew about street kids before I came (from reading the book) but now I know and care about boys who are on the streets. My heart has been touched by them and I know it will continue to be. I honestly hope that I don't see Domingo again-- that next week, we'll ask about him and the other boys will say that he went back home, that everything is going well for him now . . . but I doubt that will be the case. If he is still on the streets, I hope we see him again and that somehow God touches him through us and works to protect him from the influences of the streets, from the dangers, the drugs . . . Oh God, would you bring him to a place where he would not lose his smile and his innocence, where he could know joy and love and provision rather than hunger and insecurity. I don't know the boys' stories, but I hope that as we hang out with them, we will get to know their stories-- why they are on the street, where their families are, what life is like for them-- to get to know these beloved of God more and be broken and changed more into His image because of them.
Escuela De La Calle
On Friday morning, we visited a house where kids who are orphans, former street kids, or kids whose families simply cannot provide for them live. There are 20 kids ages 7-17, I think. Four girls that they just received came from another house where they were supposed to have been taken care of. But recently, it was found out that the kids there were being abused so all the 50 kids who were there were split up and sent to different places. So these four girls are not only without families to care for them, but they either experienced or witnessed abuse at the house where they should have been taken care of. Now they are at this house and for now, by order of a judge, they cannot go to school-- don't fully understand the whole story-- was lost in translation a little. But all that to say, they are now stuck in the house all day, every day. So one of the things Melanie, Kelly, Amelia, and I will be doing is going to that house to spend time with and hopefully plan some academic or musical things to do with the girls since they aren't in school. Also, we hope to get to take all 20 of the kids out of the house to do art projects in a room that we are being allowed to use.
Casa de Imigrantes
This is a house where kids who were trying to get to Mexico or the US and were deported are held until their parents come to get them. One of the women who works there was saying that some of the kids ran away to try to get to the US (because they have an unrealistic idea of what the US is like-- that it's like some sort of paradise), some who adults tried to bring across the border, and then some whose families sent them to work in Mexico because they were so desperate for money! There is one group of kids that arrives on Tuesday and one that arrives on Friday, and they try to have each group gone by the time the next group arrives. I hope to be able to spend some time there, but we're waiting to hear back on that. Time there would only be to talk with the kids as they arrive to be a reassuring presence to them as they have to readjust to being in their own country again after some very difficult, some nearly traumatizing experiences they have had.
Our Battle . . .
Recently, God has impressed on me Ephesians 6:12 . . .
¨For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.¨
One desire of Innerchange is to raise up indigenous leaders to lead in love, compassion, service, devotion to God . . . who know their city and who are known in their city. Jesus says to pray for workers, he says that if we ask, we will receive. So we will be asking on behalf of the city for God to raise up people to care for the poor, to speak up for those who don't have a voice, to be witnesses of God's love and power. And I believe that He will answer. I believe that things happen when we pray because we have a God who is listening and who cares for us, who wants His love and kingdom to reign on earth.
Future Weeks
So after this past week of orientation, we are setting a schedule that we will keep for the rest of our time here. Some things we are doing as a whole team and some 2, 3, or 4 of us are doing. For me, the schedule will hopefully include a large chunk of time on Mondays (starting a week from Monday) with the girls at the Escuela de la Calla house, one or two mornings a week with a woman from the womens' prison (talking and reading with her), one night a week at Casa de Imigrantes, one time each week prayer walking, one evening a week at the house where street kids can sleep (praying for the couple who have opened up their home and spending time with the boys), and one night a week playing soccer with the boys as well as time with our team to pray for each other, get to know each other, help each other think about the future, and help each other process what we're seeing and doing here.
Prayers, update on how I'm doing
Thank you for your prayers! Please continue to pray for health for all of my team especially as some of my teammates have had some stomach issues. Also, please pray for good rest for me. I have been tired, partly from being woken up by things early in the morning. I want to have energy to engage with the people I am with and with what God is doing in me and around me. And I need extra energy to be able to engage in Spanish! When I'm tired, I understand and can speak much less Spanish which makes it very difficult to communicate with people here. Thankfully, I have stayed healthy though and have been mostly headache free. Oh, did I every write that I think I figured out that I was getting headaches because of the altitude? because it's 7,000 feet above sea level here-- definitely not used to that. And also possibly because of the sun-- since we're closer to the equator the sun is definitely stronger. So hopefully I'm getting more used to the altitude and sun now (and I started wearing a hat when we walk around which I think has helped too). I am very thankful to have the opportunity to be here but I definitely still miss home very much at times. I look forward to returning after allowing God to do everything he wants to in and through me here in Guatemala.
Much love and many blessings!
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Religion that is Pure and Faultless . . .
La religiòn pura y sin mancha delante de Dios nuestro Padre es èsta:atender a los huèrfanos y a las viudas en sus aflicciones, y conservarse limpio de la corrupciòn del mundo.
Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.
Santiago (James) 1:27
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On Monday, we met up to pray and to learn about how InnerChange started in Xela. Then we went to ''hogar de ancianos,'' a house where old men live (run by the Catholic church). The closest US equivalent would be a convalescent home but in this place, there were only 5 old men. It was very sad seeing their condition and hearing some of their stories either from them or from the women who work there. They say how they feel abandoned. If I understood correctly, one of the men has a son who visited him only to try to get money from him. Others don't have any family that visit them at all. German started going to the home regularly, just talking with the men, sitting with them. That is one place where we have an opportunity we have to serve.
Later on that day, we got into a discussion about the poor in Guatemala, about how so many men and young people go to the US to make money to send home (or to go to school) because they can't make enough money to support their families here. I read last night that one third of Guatemalan families rely on remittances (money sent home mostly from the US). One third! And I also read that 10% of the GNP of Guatemala is remittances. Wow. The article was talking about how the US has deported so many (I think it was 23,000) Guatemalans in the past year and how it will be difficult for the country to absorb them back-- where will they work?-- and for their families that they were supporting . . . Julio said that 80% of businesses in Guatemala are foreign. All of this has brought up so much in my mind about globalization, trade agreements, immigration policies . . . don't have any conclusions but makes me think hard . . .
Tuesday we made lunch and ate with one of the shoeshine boys (we expected more but only one came-- that's typical, I think-- from reading Nothing But a Thief seems like it is). He came over to German and Carla's house. Reminded me of Luke 14:12-14 . . . ''Then Jesus said to his host, 'When you give a luncheon or dinner, do not invite your friends, your brothers or relatives, or your rich neighbors; if you do, they might invite you back and so you will be repaid. But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous.' ''
That afternoon, we met a man who has committed his life to providing a place for the boys to sleep. Each night between 25 and 30 boys crowd into a room that I'm guessing is about 15 feet by 40 feet. He and his wife live in two small rooms adjacent to the large room, I believe. He has been doing this for 28 years. For the first 10 years, I believe he had some outside (government?) help, but for the past 18 years it has only been him and his wife. Even still, there are more boys who do not come, who sleep on the street instead. The house has a leaky roof, even after trying to fix it 3 times. German said the house is just like the kids in that way-- that even after so much effort, very little changes can be seen. The boys get pulled into street life very quickly and it is very hard to pull them out of it. It sounds like often a boy will start trying to change and then something will happen that will pull him back into street life. The boy we met said that a good day for him will bring in 80 quetzales, which is about 11 dollars. On a bad day he will make 40, less than 6 dollars. Food is not a whole lot cheaper here than in Los Angeles-- a little bit, but not much. So imagine trying to live on 11 dollars a day! How do you get ahead? How do you go to school if you have to work all day to make money so you can eat? Please pray for German and Carla and the man who has opened up his home. They love the boys and want more for them, want to see them have the love and opportunities and provision that kids should have. But it is hard. It can be discouraging. German and Carla want to find a bigger home to open up to the boys so they don't have to pack into one large leaky room. But that is not easy. Please pray for open doors and for more people and more churches to take notice of these boys who could be so easily overlooked.
Thinking about the shoeshine boys . . . The boys (can be ages 8-17) leave home for one reason or another-- whether because of abuse or poverty-- or they might have been abandoned. From reading Nothing But a Thief, it seems that poverty is the main reason--whether the boys leave so they can eat or whether the stress of poverty renders their parents violent or incapable of loving their children. So going back to what I was saying earlier, yes, they left because of immediate circumstances, but what larger policies within Guatemala and within the global economy have contributed to their circumstances? I don't know the complete answer to that, but I do know that they are not where they are simply because of laziness or bad choices. They have been dealt a bad hand. So, right now, InnerChange is trying to work with the boys, to show them love, to help them make good choices-- maybe to go to school, maybe to go home, not to get hooked on drugs . . . and that is good and necessary right now . . . but that still is only treating a symptom. Ultimately, I believe God wants to heal their families so that there won't be children who feel like they have to leave home. And that will take larger changes. I don't know if we'll live to see Xela not have shoeshine boys but I will pray for it. Please join me in praying for that-- for healing and provision among families in Xela and in the surrounding areas so that boys won't feel the need to leave home.
Today, we went up to a point high above the city and prayed for the city. I don't think I've mentioned yet that the city is beautiful. I think Amelia has some pictures on her blog. The city is surrounded by green mountains, and the sky is a brilliant blue, usually with amazingly white clouds. It has been clear every day we've been here and then has rained most evenings/nights.
This afternoon, we went to a holding prison for women who are waiting for their trials to finish. Carla said that women can stay there for a year and a half to 4 years before receiving the verdict! One woman spent 3 years there and then was let go. It is really sad not only because of the amount of time that the women spend there, but also how that separates them from their families. Many of them are not from the city itself but from surrounding areas. So if their families are poor, they cannot afford to come visit them. That means that those women are slowly forgotten about. Carla goes to the prison once a week to talk with the women and have a short service/Bible study with them. What struck me the most was the amount of time they have to stay there. Four years just to get a sentence, with the possibility of being found not guilty! Wow. That's just awful. The women we met seemed so normal. I mean, I expect if I go into a prison to find lots of anger, violence . . . to feel uncomfortable, but I felt as if I was just hanging out with any of the other women we have met. There were other women who also visit the prison and at first I couldn't tell them apart from the women who were being held there. It's not an awful place to live-- I mean the conditions don't seem awful-- but to be separated from your family for so long just awaiting sentencing . . . wow. That's another place where we have the opportunity to serve.
We have seen a lot over the past few days and will be seeing more over the next few days. We hope to get to play soccer with some of the shoeshine boys tomorrow night and then visit a holding place for kids who tried to make it to the US and got deported (either from Mexico or from the US). The kids are held there until their families can come pick them up. Tomorrow morning we will also be discussing the beginning of the book Sub-merge. We'll be reading and discussing that book all summer. I've heard good things about it before so am looking forward to reading it. So far, it's been fun but also very challenging to converse in Spanish. Hopefully it will get more natural as time goes by.
Some other random things-- there is a parrot at our house that sounds like a child. The three of us thought ''whose child is that who keeps yelling?!'' But it was a parrot! It says ''¿Donde esta?'' among other things :P Also, a few nights ago, I heard what I thought were gunshots, but thankfully they turned out to be firecrackers. Apparently, people like to set off firecrackers for holidays and celebrations EARLY in the morning. That, the dog (that looks like a sheep), and the rooster are all a nice wakeup call in the morning :P We've been having beans, rice, and eggs for dinner almost every night and toast, liquidy oatmeal, and bananas for breakfast every morning. But almuerzo (lunch) has been really good. That's their main meal of the day here.
Okay, think I'm done for now. Hasta luego.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
¡Estoy en Guatemala! (I'm in Guatemala!)
Wow, This past week has felt like a month. Ha. So let's see, since my last post . . .
Friday and traveling to Xela
Friday, we had time to pray for each of the summer exchange teams and then the other teams had some team building times, but since we'll be working so much with a couple who has been in Guatemala and wasn't at training, we put that off. We'll be doing more of that this coming week. So while the other teams were doing that, Amelia, Kelly, and I just hung out, bought some gifts for our host families, and got ready to go. After dinner, we got to hang out with some of the women from some of the other teams-- was a lot of fun. Then we left at 9pm for the airport . . . left SFO at 12:30am, had a layover in Houston and then landed in Guatemala City at 11am (correction-- it's only one hour ahead here-- I'm thinking maybe because of daylight saving time in the US?). Then we drove to Xela and got here around 5pm. So that was 19 hours of traveling!
Arriving in Xela
Needless to say, we were all pretty tired (and looking forward to taking a shower!) when we arrived. Our first stop in Xela was Julio's family's house. That's where Melanie and Julio (our team leaders) will be staying. They have a very big family so we were welcomed by about 25 people (adults and kids). It was very nice, but being tired, we didn't stay very long. Instead, we pretty quickly headed over to the place the 3 of us are staying. It is about a block and a half away from where Julio and Melanie are, and it is a large house where students who are studying at a university or language schools often rent rooms. The women who live there and run the place are very nice and very good at communicating with us patiently as we struggle to speak in Spanish at times. It is a very comfortable place to be-- much nicer than I originally imagined. When I stayed with a family near Mexico City 2 years ago, they had a much simpler house-- cement floors, no indoor plumbing (we took bucket showers and had to pour a bucket of water into the toilet to make it flush) . . . but our place is just like a place in the States except maybe that the bedrooms have tile floors rather than carpet. Our hosts cook us every meal while we're around. So last night, we got to have eggs, rice, and beans for dinner-- probably will be a very common meal, I'm thinking.
Today
After a good night's rest (a bed feels so nice after sleeping in airplanes and cars!), we met up with Melanie and Julio and walked around Xela a little bit. We walked to the Central Park where we'll probably be spending more time this week since that's where the street kids are (they mainly shine shoes for a living so they're also known as shoeshine kids). Then we went to a Catholic church. It was very large-- I'm guessing around seven or eight hundred people-- could be off, but it was big! And there was an echo so it was really hard to understand what was being said. I mainly just looked around and observed people. There were a lot of women in what I think are more typical Mayan clothes-- very colorful long skirts and tops. There were also a lot of families with young children and babies. At one point in the service, the priest walked forward a little (off the stage) and all the children went to the front to get a hug from him. It was so cute. Definitely reminded me of reading about when Jesus welcomed the children to him. Even though I couldn't understand much of what was said (and I had a headache), that definitely made me smile :) Also, something I noticed is that there were a lot of women who were shorter than me! I actually felt tall for once. Craziness. My size might actually be an asset here to help me fit in and relate with people more . . . hmm. Interesting.
I've really enjoyed speaking Spanish so far and look forward to getting much better at it while I'm here. I really hope to become very comfortable with the language before I leave, both for the people here and also for when I return to LA. I'd love to be fluent when I return.
Oh, so after church, we went with Julio's family (all 25 of them!) to get lunch, and, ha, guess what we got? Pizza! ha. I had pizza several times last week thinking I wouldn't have it again till I got back, but the second day here we had it! I have to say it was really good pizza too--better than most pizza I've had in California actually.
To come
So, our real work starts tomorrow. We'll start meeting with German (pronounced Herman) and Carla, the couple who has been here ministering to the street kids and also in some other places (a women's prison is one of the other places I think). So we'll figure out more of what exactly we'll be doing, what our schedule will be like, etc. The next time I write, hopefully I'll have more to share about all of that-- things we're learning, places we've gone, people we've met. For now, I'm still trying to adjust to being here. It's very nice, as I said, but it's taking some getting used to being in a new place, meeting Julio's huge family, trying to speak in Spanish all the time (this break to write in English is nice) . . . I had a headache today-- hoping it's just from being tired and traveling and that it doesn't come back.
Prayer Requests
Please pray for all of our team-- for health, rest, connection with each other (as we're away from friends and family, we're going to have to be family to each other for the next 6 weeks), connection with the people we're serving with (mainly German and Carla who don't speak much English at all) and the people we'll be serving. Please also pray for a balanced view for me especially. When I go on trips like this, I feel like we should be doing something (serving, praying, etc) all the time, but I know that it is good to have times of rest and times of fun as well, that it is necessary even. And also, in general, things just are more slow, relaxed here (in most places!) than in Los Angeles. So I need to be okay with just hanging out with people without having a plan, without things being planned out or without knowing when exactly we'll be doing the next thing. That is hard enough for me back at home ;) but here where just hanging out means having random conversations in Spanish, it's even harder. And when it's large groups of people, it's hard enough in English but with large groups of people (like Julio's family), since they all speak Spanish it's even harder . . .
As I've said and will keep saying, I miss you all! Would love to hear from you! Hope you have a good, blessed Sunday, especially Altaer folk who I would usually see today!
Check out Amelia's blog for pictures and a video! http://vivaxela.blogspot.com
shout outs to:
-Sonia who just started her residency (how is it?)
-Ryan and Julie (hope the wedding went as you hoped and that your honeymoon is awesome!)
-Lakers fans-- my heart goes out to you ;)
-all teachers and students who either just finished or are about to finish the school year!
-my home group-- miss you guys!
-my dad-- Happy Father's Day!
-all of my family-- I love you and miss you!
-Joel-- thanks for helping me with guitar stuff. Hoping to find a guitar here!
-Aunt Kendra who lent me her guitar case-- unfortunately, it was just too big to bring on the plane but I really appreciate it! (new airplane rules-- didn't allow any luggage that big even if I were to pay extra)
-Ryan C. and Eric for responding to my last post :)
-Emily S. for being done with her year at Oxford!
-Eric for being so amazingly supportive
-everyone who has supported me financially (thank you!! ¡Muchas gracias!)
-Amy and Margarita (my wonderful roommates back in LA!)
-Gilda whose birthday was last week. Happy birthday!
More next time!
Friday and traveling to Xela
Friday, we had time to pray for each of the summer exchange teams and then the other teams had some team building times, but since we'll be working so much with a couple who has been in Guatemala and wasn't at training, we put that off. We'll be doing more of that this coming week. So while the other teams were doing that, Amelia, Kelly, and I just hung out, bought some gifts for our host families, and got ready to go. After dinner, we got to hang out with some of the women from some of the other teams-- was a lot of fun. Then we left at 9pm for the airport . . . left SFO at 12:30am, had a layover in Houston and then landed in Guatemala City at 11am (correction-- it's only one hour ahead here-- I'm thinking maybe because of daylight saving time in the US?). Then we drove to Xela and got here around 5pm. So that was 19 hours of traveling!
Arriving in Xela
Needless to say, we were all pretty tired (and looking forward to taking a shower!) when we arrived. Our first stop in Xela was Julio's family's house. That's where Melanie and Julio (our team leaders) will be staying. They have a very big family so we were welcomed by about 25 people (adults and kids). It was very nice, but being tired, we didn't stay very long. Instead, we pretty quickly headed over to the place the 3 of us are staying. It is about a block and a half away from where Julio and Melanie are, and it is a large house where students who are studying at a university or language schools often rent rooms. The women who live there and run the place are very nice and very good at communicating with us patiently as we struggle to speak in Spanish at times. It is a very comfortable place to be-- much nicer than I originally imagined. When I stayed with a family near Mexico City 2 years ago, they had a much simpler house-- cement floors, no indoor plumbing (we took bucket showers and had to pour a bucket of water into the toilet to make it flush) . . . but our place is just like a place in the States except maybe that the bedrooms have tile floors rather than carpet. Our hosts cook us every meal while we're around. So last night, we got to have eggs, rice, and beans for dinner-- probably will be a very common meal, I'm thinking.
Today
After a good night's rest (a bed feels so nice after sleeping in airplanes and cars!), we met up with Melanie and Julio and walked around Xela a little bit. We walked to the Central Park where we'll probably be spending more time this week since that's where the street kids are (they mainly shine shoes for a living so they're also known as shoeshine kids). Then we went to a Catholic church. It was very large-- I'm guessing around seven or eight hundred people-- could be off, but it was big! And there was an echo so it was really hard to understand what was being said. I mainly just looked around and observed people. There were a lot of women in what I think are more typical Mayan clothes-- very colorful long skirts and tops. There were also a lot of families with young children and babies. At one point in the service, the priest walked forward a little (off the stage) and all the children went to the front to get a hug from him. It was so cute. Definitely reminded me of reading about when Jesus welcomed the children to him. Even though I couldn't understand much of what was said (and I had a headache), that definitely made me smile :) Also, something I noticed is that there were a lot of women who were shorter than me! I actually felt tall for once. Craziness. My size might actually be an asset here to help me fit in and relate with people more . . . hmm. Interesting.
I've really enjoyed speaking Spanish so far and look forward to getting much better at it while I'm here. I really hope to become very comfortable with the language before I leave, both for the people here and also for when I return to LA. I'd love to be fluent when I return.
Oh, so after church, we went with Julio's family (all 25 of them!) to get lunch, and, ha, guess what we got? Pizza! ha. I had pizza several times last week thinking I wouldn't have it again till I got back, but the second day here we had it! I have to say it was really good pizza too--better than most pizza I've had in California actually.
To come
So, our real work starts tomorrow. We'll start meeting with German (pronounced Herman) and Carla, the couple who has been here ministering to the street kids and also in some other places (a women's prison is one of the other places I think). So we'll figure out more of what exactly we'll be doing, what our schedule will be like, etc. The next time I write, hopefully I'll have more to share about all of that-- things we're learning, places we've gone, people we've met. For now, I'm still trying to adjust to being here. It's very nice, as I said, but it's taking some getting used to being in a new place, meeting Julio's huge family, trying to speak in Spanish all the time (this break to write in English is nice) . . . I had a headache today-- hoping it's just from being tired and traveling and that it doesn't come back.
Prayer Requests
Please pray for all of our team-- for health, rest, connection with each other (as we're away from friends and family, we're going to have to be family to each other for the next 6 weeks), connection with the people we're serving with (mainly German and Carla who don't speak much English at all) and the people we'll be serving. Please also pray for a balanced view for me especially. When I go on trips like this, I feel like we should be doing something (serving, praying, etc) all the time, but I know that it is good to have times of rest and times of fun as well, that it is necessary even. And also, in general, things just are more slow, relaxed here (in most places!) than in Los Angeles. So I need to be okay with just hanging out with people without having a plan, without things being planned out or without knowing when exactly we'll be doing the next thing. That is hard enough for me back at home ;) but here where just hanging out means having random conversations in Spanish, it's even harder. And when it's large groups of people, it's hard enough in English but with large groups of people (like Julio's family), since they all speak Spanish it's even harder . . .
As I've said and will keep saying, I miss you all! Would love to hear from you! Hope you have a good, blessed Sunday, especially Altaer folk who I would usually see today!
Check out Amelia's blog for pictures and a video! http://vivaxela.blogspot.com
shout outs to:
-Sonia who just started her residency (how is it?)
-Ryan and Julie (hope the wedding went as you hoped and that your honeymoon is awesome!)
-Lakers fans-- my heart goes out to you ;)
-all teachers and students who either just finished or are about to finish the school year!
-my home group-- miss you guys!
-my dad-- Happy Father's Day!
-all of my family-- I love you and miss you!
-Joel-- thanks for helping me with guitar stuff. Hoping to find a guitar here!
-Aunt Kendra who lent me her guitar case-- unfortunately, it was just too big to bring on the plane but I really appreciate it! (new airplane rules-- didn't allow any luggage that big even if I were to pay extra)
-Ryan C. and Eric for responding to my last post :)
-Emily S. for being done with her year at Oxford!
-Eric for being so amazingly supportive
-everyone who has supported me financially (thank you!! ¡Muchas gracias!)
-Amy and Margarita (my wonderful roommates back in LA!)
-Gilda whose birthday was last week. Happy birthday!
More next time!
Thursday, June 12, 2008
At Training
Wow, I've only been here at training for a few days but it feels like it's been at least a week! And it has been unusually hot here-- who ordered up the heat wave in San Francisco??
So Saturday, Eric and I drove up to SF :) and then I stayed with some friends (thank you Emily and Kathleen!) until Tuesday when training started.
How I'm doing (since starting training)
The thing I can best compare to my first day here was the first day at college. It's that awkward everyone's moving in and is being friendly but no one really knows each other feeling :P But thankfully, that feeling has worn off. I got to meet the two other women on my team, and I'm really looking forward to being together as a team. I've also met the people who are on the teams going to other places-- South Africa, San Francisco, Denver, and New Orleans. It's been cool meeting all of these people, but a little overwhelming too-- to just be thrown in with a bunch of new people. I was missing everyone back at home very much Tuesday and Wednesday, and really just wanted to go home, but today has been better. I feel like I've gotten to connect more with my teammates, and what was really helpful is that last night one of the women here prayed for me and listened to me as I shared about why I'm sad to be leaving for so long. So now I feel much more able to engage with people here. Glad about that since I have another 7 or so weeks till I'll be back in LA!
What I've been doing/learning
---So we've spent the majority of our meeting times so far learning about InnerChange. We learned its history as an organization, what teams there are, the vision and commitments of InnerChange. While this may seem tedious or unnecessary to some, I actually understand why they do this-- because even though we aren't on staff with InnerChange, we really do represent them wherever we go, so we need to understand who we are representing. There are some teams that are going to places where InnerChange doesn't have a ministry yet so it's especially important for them to be good representatives of the organization.
---A highlight for me-- Yesterday we studied Exodus 2-3ish-- about Moses. It was a new way of looking at the story for me, really focusing on Moses' two attempts to help the Hebrews. Moses first attempts to help them in his own way by killing an Egyptian who was beating a Hebrew. But that doesn't really work out for him-- he ends up not being respected by the Hebrews and then having to flee from Pharaoh. So then he spends 40 years in Midian and, only after some convincing by God, comes back to help/lead his people under God's direction. It really hit me how he came back to Pharaoh under God's direction, not his own. It resonated with me as I think about Los Angeles. In some ways, I feel like I had my first try at urban ministry and have been outside of it, somewhere else, for the past year. But I know that God is preparing to bring me back to it under His wisdom and power and in His time, not my own. Also, the first time Moses was just acting on his own, but the second time he had support, was connected to the community he was representing. The first time, he was just reacting to the issue/injustice he saw, but the second time he was sent under God's direction. I know that the only way I'll be able to do urban ministry is if I'm a part of a community and am acting in obedience to God. Otherwise, I will burn out! So I'm praying for patience and discernment to know when and how God will lead me back to it. (We were studying the story because it highlights some values of InnerChange-- value for community and wisdom in ministry-- knowing structures and issues from different perspectives, really learning before acting-- not just coming in with a plan, but listening to what the community needs/wants and what the community's strengths/structures are.) Then we prayer walked around the neighborhood to practice going into our communities with open eyes and hearts to what God is doing, rather than just going in with our own expectations and plans.
---Then last night, we learned and prayed about the 6 commitments of InnerChange, which are humility, simplicity, purity, service, community, and prayer. I really appreciate that they have a value for creating a sustainable lifestyle of service-- one in which missionaries are supported and have adequate rest so they won't burn out after a year. We'll get to experience that this summer-- they aren't going to work us ragged but purposely put in times of reflection and rest so that we can see what a sustainable lifestyle of service could be like.
To Come
---Tomorrow we'll meet with our individual teams more to do some team-specific things-- getting to know each other a little, figuring out how we'll work together as a team.
---Then we head to the airport tomorrow night. Our flight leaves from SFO at 12:30am Friday night/Saturday morning. We'll have a short layover in Houston and then get to Guatemala City around 9am I think (it's 2 hours ahead there so that would be 7am in CA). Then we'll drive over to Xela and meet our other leaders-- the missionaries who are there full time-- and then meet our host family.
---The first week we're there will be an orientation to Guatemalan culture, the city of Xela, and to the ministry we'll be doing there.
Please pray for safety in travel and for cohesiveness in our team. Yes, we are going to Xela to minister to street children, but we need to remember that how we treat each other is just as important as how we treat the kids. "They will know we are Christians by our love." We will show that we are Christ's followers by the love we show to the kids and by the love we show to each other.
If you're looking for some summer reading, I can recommend three books for you:
1. Good News About Injustice by Gary Haugen (spelling?)-- I read that book in college and it impacted my view of God and being His follower incredibly. I'd recommend it to everyone.
2. New Friars-- A book we had to read for this internship-- about the movement that includes organizations like InnerChange and Servant Partners
3. Nothing But a Thief by Danielle Speakman-- about her experience in Lima, Peru working with street kids.
I'd love to hear responses to my posts or about the books if you get to read or have read any of them.
I do miss you all back at home. I'd love to hear from you. I'll probably be able to check my email again soon after I get to Guatemala. Blessings!
Monday, June 9, 2008
1 Day To Go
Well, here I am in San Francisco. I start training tomorrow. Hard to believe it's already here! Then a few days later I'll be heading to Guatemala! Wow. Thank you to all of you who have already supported me through prayer, financial support, encouraging words . . . it means so much to me to know that I am going on this trip with such an amazing group of people supporting me. I'm not sure if I'll have internet access during training so I just wanted to write a quick entry before I start. If not, I'll definitely try to update this soon after I get to Guatemala. I already miss you all! I may not be able to respond individually to many emails this summer, but I would love to hear how you're doing, what you're up to, how things are in the US/CA/LA. Well, my time here is almost up (at a library) so I should go. Much love and many blessings on you all! Adios!
Monday, May 26, 2008
2 weeks away!
In just a little over 2 weeks, I start training in San Francisco! Just wanted to put some more info on here that my team leaders sent me-- about the city and neighborhood where we'll be . . . I imagine we'll spend more time in the central park than in any coffee shops or night clubs! But thanks to the coffee shops, I will have access to internet while I'm there!
5 facts about Xela:
1. Xela is the second largest city in Guatemala.
2. Xela is 65% indigenous, Mayan descendents.
3. Xela is also known as the city of culture.
4. The people are VERY proud of their soccer team Club Deportivo Xelaju.
5. Dancing is a part of all celebrations. Night clubs are also a popular hang out for young people on the weekends -- a place for friends to gather and have a good time.
3 tidbits about the neighborhood:
1. The people are very polite, always greeting one another as they pass on the street.
2. You will see foreigners walking around the center of town as many come to Xela to study Spanish. There are also quite a few Europeans who own businesses like coffeeshops and night clubs.
3. The neigborhood where we are staying is at the center of the city. Daily you will see indigenous people and others selling and interacting with one another at the market. The central park is where all the shoe shine kids hang out.
Also, my team leaders started a blog for our whole team which you can check out if you'd like. www.xelasoles.blogspot.com
If you'd like to send me snail mail while I'm there, just email me and I can give you the address :)
5 facts about Xela:
1. Xela is the second largest city in Guatemala.
2. Xela is 65% indigenous, Mayan descendents.
3. Xela is also known as the city of culture.
4. The people are VERY proud of their soccer team Club Deportivo Xelaju.
5. Dancing is a part of all celebrations. Night clubs are also a popular hang out for young people on the weekends -- a place for friends to gather and have a good time.
3 tidbits about the neighborhood:
1. The people are very polite, always greeting one another as they pass on the street.
2. You will see foreigners walking around the center of town as many come to Xela to study Spanish. There are also quite a few Europeans who own businesses like coffeeshops and night clubs.
3. The neigborhood where we are staying is at the center of the city. Daily you will see indigenous people and others selling and interacting with one another at the market. The central park is where all the shoe shine kids hang out.
Also, my team leaders started a blog for our whole team which you can check out if you'd like. www.xelasoles.blogspot.com
If you'd like to send me snail mail while I'm there, just email me and I can give you the address :)
Sunday, April 27, 2008
I'm going to Guatemala!
Yes, I'm going to Guatemala! I'll be updating this blog over the next several months-- both while I'm preparing for the trip and also while I'm in Guatemala (hopefully!). So check back if you're curious about what I'm up to while I'm gone.
For now, here are some basic details . . .
Who's going? There are 5 adults on my team (and the couple who is leading the trip is bringing their baby as well :) so that makes 6)
Where? Xela (a.k.a. Quetzaltenango) , Guatemala! (and San Francisco for training and debrief) . . . click here for a map (look for Quetzaltenango-- west of Guatemala City)
When? June 10th-August 1st
With what organization? Innerchange-- an organization that sends missionaries to live among and serve the poor in a number of locations here in the U.S. and also overseas (for more info, check out www.innerchange.org). The summer opportunity with InnerChange allows people to spend a summer working alongside long-term missionaries, supporting or helping to start relationships and ministries at those sites.
To do what? My team’s main focus will be building relationships with and serving street children—children who have either chosen to leave home because of abuse and neglect or who have been abandoned by parents or relatives. We will spend time volunteering at a school for street kids (http://www.streetschool.net/edelac.htm), playing soccer with them, doing art projects with them, listening to their stories—hopefully all the while sharing the love of God with them through our words and actions.
What can you do? PRAY for me and my team and/or support me financially
Why am I going?
short answer-- I'm going in obedience to God.
more complete answer-- Last spring, as I was praying, God laid the country of Guatemala on my heart. At the time, I knew very little about the country and thought I knew no one from there, but then all of a sudden, I started “randomly” meeting or talking with person after person who was from Guatemala, who had been to Guatemala at one point, or had family members from Guatemala. I would also “randomly” come across articles about Guatemala and even received a newsletter from International Justice Mission focusing solely on their new work in Guatemala City. This continued for several months, but I still did not feel called to actually go—just to learn and be open to where all this might lead me.
Then, at the end of July, as I was praying one night, I felt led to Isaiah 6. I read through it to verse 8 where Isaiah says “Here am I. Send me!” and immediately after I read that, I felt God remind me of Guatemala. At that point I knew that I was to go. I prayed for more direction and felt that I was to go in June—almost a year away! At that time, I had no idea how it would happen as I still didn’t have any actual connections to missionaries or organizations in Guatemala. A few months later, I talked with a couple from my church who said there was a chance they might be leading a mission trip to Guatemala over the summer. But at the time we spoke it was still very uncertain so I didn’t think much of it. Then the week after I got back from India (at the end of January), they emailed me to tell me that they were in fact leading a trip to Guatemala this summer from June 10th to August 1st and that I should apply. Wow! I couldn't really turn it down after it seemed God had so clearly prepared me for this trip. Had he not spoken clearly to me about it, there's no way I would have agreed to go away for 2 months this summer! But here I am, preparing to go!
Want more info? Have questions for me? Feel free to email me michelle.scarberry@gmail.com
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